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5^th April 2007…..

As I woke up today,getting ready to class,..i grab sum bread and a cup of nestum..just wanna make sure I won’t be found fainted lyin on the middle of the road..

Then I got this early morning message sounds ‘salam takziah dari abang sekeluarga’..

I feel like ma heart is getting into ma throat…

And rite afta I read that sms,ma heart started running..

Anxious,frightened,sad…all of em’ got me under control..

I cant even hold the bread..

Who is it dat this guy is talking about?how come I din noe anything bout it?

In ma mind..i wus prayin,hopin that it won’t be one of ma family member..

Then I got anotha msg…

‘atuk dah takde…maaf abang ingatkan awak tau’…

WUT??????

The last time I met him wus when I wus 16…and it’s almost 6 years I haven’t met him..

5^th april,wus a gloomy day for me..i keep on thinking how his face looks like now..

sumtimes,the thought of him brought me sumwer else…

I remember when I wus a kid…everytime we come back to kampung..

He neva forgot to buy sum chocolates for us..then,we’ll be fightin coz I got more than ma other brothers n cousins..

Wut made me soo upset is I missed his funeral..

Can’t even see his face,smell his body and kiss his forehead for the last time…

The thought that is just too deep to be expressed n too hard to be suppressed..

God loves him more than I do..

Everyday I pray to HIM ,if next time HE wants to take anyone else…

Please let me be around em’,let me be beside em’..let me be the one who carry em to the graveyard,recite a yassin next to their body…

It’s just few years left before I come back to Malaysia for good..

After then,m gonna take care of u guys..that’s ma promise..

Eventho ure not with us anymore,ur spirit ur soul will be always ere wit me..

May u rest in peace..u’ll be always in ma prayer..

Goodbye atuk…

Love..

Week in labour room…..

      Today is ma 1^st week in Russia afta a long summer break which is also d 4th day of the holy month of ramadhan.comin back ere,get myself back to my daily routine,made me miss those moments that I went thru when I wus in Malaysia….everyday,wake up,go to class,lectures,ur uphill notes awaits which needa be prepared for 2moro’s class,cook and keep on questioning how life as a doc looks like..

      Sittin ere doin nothin,I guess why dunt I get ma fingers to work,sharin ma precious unforgettable one week experience in the O&G department…for those who seems to vaguely undastand wut does O&G stands for,it’s known as obstetrics n gynaecology ..for further information,ask ur mom..m sure she noes well bout it…hehe

      1^st day in d department,nuthin much I did..as usual,settin up the I.V drip,takin full blood count,clerking n convincing those mom who’s scared…that day,I dun have the chance seein any delivery..so,I went back early…

      From the 2^nd day onwards..the challenge begins…lot of cases came in..i went tru lot of cases such as PIH(pregnancy induced hypertension),preeclampsia,post partum haemorrhage,retain placenta,learn the CTG scan,breech delivery,vaccum delivery and house delivery..owh thas MC’D..LoL..

      The moms’ voice,screamin in pain while the docs insertin tube,rupturin the membrane…made me inundated..then,the vaginal examination is done to check the uterus dilation…’DOCTOR!!HELP!!’..nuthin we cud do rather than telling dat everythins gonna be alrite…that’s the compulsory procedure that has to be done to prevent the baby from getting stuck inside…

      There’s one case that I couldnt 4get in ma entire life…there wus this one Chinese mom,who’s time has come…she keeps on tryin..unfortunately,the baby wus still there for an hour and 5 minutes…approximately afta 15 minutes,the babies crown wus seen…the baby wus almost out..but still,it’s hard to pull the head..then,no otha choice…can u guys imagine,without any anaesthesia,they cut the vagina…

God noes how hurt it wus..normally,afta episiotomy is done,it’ll be ez to deliver..but this baby seems not..noe wut,afta all,they have to make anotha incision…

ops..guess wut??not just one cut,but two!!and that makes the cut frm the vagina reach up to the thigh!!..she wus like regret to pregnant n she refused to acknowledge the sex of her baby to the nurse(which is a compulsory procedure 4 nu mom…take note bout dat gal..:p)

..finally,suturing is done..again w/o lidocaine..gosh,that last procedure of every delivery made me feel like cryin..it’s not that m afraid or wut,but the way they scream…really touched ma heart…

As a norm….came at 8 in d morning,getting into a surgical suit,heading maself to the labour room..i did sum babies’ check up..checkin 4any abnormalities,takin heart rate n pulse…guess wut..it makes me feel how it looks like to be a father..LoL..seems like there’s nothing interesting,I went to the OT(operation theathre)…there’s one patient waiting for her turn..

cesarian section..

it’s the name of the procedure…(kalau mak2 kate operate pahamlaa..:P)..that day,I wus in fog..she seems to be TOO young to deliver…then,I ask her few Q”s…noe wut??she’s just 16..

“still studying?’

‘nope’..

“then y ure ere?”

‘…………….’

I can hear voice of regreting in her…no matter wut,it’s a little too late…

Gosh…I dunt undastand wut’s wrong wit the world now..guys out there…y is it so hard 4u to appreciate em???

For gals out there,be careful..dunt put too much trust in guys…

For those who’ve bad memory,I noe,it’s hard for ya to get into any relationship…even it seems to be very hard to make frens wit any1…

Believe me,there’s always a reason of why HE did that…

so,don’t let ur head ruin ur heart..

don’t let ur world be torn apart…

dunt let urself touch the ground but keep on runnin

….m sure there’s always a way out…

‘jodoh pertemuan…semuanya di tangan tuhan’

Rememba..lite is always there for those who seek it..

Wut we needa do…pray..so that we’ll meet the rite one..but then,dunt expect for sum1 perfect..to me,perfection is just an illusion..wut we have to do is..hold the imperfection,PERFECTLY….(p/s:pray 4me too..:P)

For those who’d neva seen or neva nu how does it looks like to suffer deliverin a baby…find it out..

To me, a mom is EVERYTHIN…so,there’s sumthin that we cud du to pay em’…..

‘APPRECIATE’

‘to mak,do noe that there’s nuthin in this entire world that i care more than u..’

ws..

Days in,days out..weeks in,weeks out…sumtimes i din realize that i’ve got into 4th year…gosh,how fast time’s runnin..no matta wut,i won’t forget ma 3rd year..God knows how hard it was..b’fast at 12,lunch at 6 n dinner at 12 m’nite..can u imagine that??hectic..

sumtimes i feel like gettin maself into a med school is a BIG mistake..but now,afta i swam in d ocean of medicine i think takin this course is a GREAT mistake..hopin that one day,i’ll be a great surgeon afta changing to b a betta son and the best futa’ husband eva..insyaALLAH…

is dat some sort of an intro to ma blog??

i guess dats pretty much shows..